Leave the bright blue door on the whitewashed wall
Leave the death ledger under city hall
Leave the joyful air in that rubber ball today

Leave the lilac print on the linen sheet
Leave the birds you killed at your father's feet
Let the sideways rain and the crooked street remain

Leave the whimpering dog in his cold kennel
Leave the dead star lit on her pedestal
Leave the acid kids in their green fishbowls today

Just leave the sad guitar in its hard-shelled case
Leave the worried look on your lover's face
Let the orange embers in the fireplace remain

Because everything, it must belong somewhere
A train off in the distance, bicycle chained to the stairs
Everything, it must belong somewhere
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here

Leave the ocean's roar in the turquoise shell
Leave the widower in his private hell
Leave the liberty in that broken bell today

Leave the epic poem on its yellow page
Leave the gray macaw in his covered cage
Let the traveling band on the interstate remain

Because everything, it must belong somewhere
Soundstage in California, televisions in Times Square
Everything, it must belong somewhere
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here

Leave the secret talks on the trundle bed
Leave the garden tools in the rusted shed
Leave those bad ideas in your troubled head today

Leave the restless ghost in his old hotel
Leave the homeless man in his cardboard cell
Let the painted horse on the carousel remain

Because everything, it must belong somewhere
Just like the gold around her finger or the silver in his hair
Everything, it must belong somewhere
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here

In truth, the forest hears each sound
Each blade of grass as it lies down
The world requires no audience
No witnesses, no witnesses

Leave the old town drunk on his wooden stool
Leave the autumn leaves in the swimming pool
Leave the poor black child in his crumbling school today

Leave the novelist in his daydream tune
Leave the scientist in his Rubik's Cube
Let the true genius in the padded room remain

Leave the horse's hair on the slanted bow
Leave the slot machines on the river boat
Leave the cauliflower in the casserole today

Leave the hot, bright trash in the shopping malls
Leave the hawks of war in their capitol
Let the organ's moan in the cathedral remain

Because everything, it must belong somewhere
They locked the devil in the basement, threw God up into the air
Everything, it must belong somewhere
And you know it's true, I wish you'd leave me here
You know it's true, why don't you leave me here?

Five things you will find if you open my bag:
+ plain black wallet with cards of various kinds, but no cash
+ a pack of clove cigarettes and/or a pack of camel cigarettes
+ my ipod, either attacked to or located near some too long headphones in a knotted mess.
+ pen and or highlighter
+ lighter for previously mentioned cig stash

Five things in my bedroom:
+ The majority of my book collection.
+ two or so buddha figures
+ tv
+ Kevin's Mac
+ my tons of clothes thrown about everywhere

Five things I’ve always wanted to do in my life:
+ Write a best-selling novel
+ weight 185 lbs or less
+ travel the world, mostly to japan, australia, and canada
+ spend a couple months learning the art of japanese noodle making
+ living in a meditative spot in the wild for a good year

Five things that make me very happy:
+ having money to spend
+ hanging out with friends
+ dancing to music
+ having the time to relax and enjoy a good book
+ being depended on for something

Five things I’m currently into:
+ studying aspergers syndrome and other psychology stuff
+ studying japanese mythology
+ learning to bake and cook more and more interesting things
+ attempting to lose weight, again, and revitalizing my love of capoeira
+ getting out of my stress filled rut of a mindset

Five things on my To-Do list:
+ Get my car checked out
+ Not spend money so I can pay my bills
+ Go up to JC someday.... I need a new pair of glasses, to clean my mimi's porch, and to hang out with my JC friends, as well as to visit my old capoeira school's new academy!!
+ Buckle down and ace this stupid ear training before my mimi kicks my ass.
+ Find some way to make my mind stop being crazy that doesn't involve pills

I have too much stuff, materialistically speaking.
I also have to many things I want to/need to do. Goodness.

So the stress is making my mind do this,
Functioning fleetingly,
Demanding cruelty,
Making it's siren calls to itself and the outside world
It hums and buzzes,
Haunted by my imperfections,
Unable to buckle down and stare at my reflection
Unable to face the chaos and horrifying visions there
Refusing this wall, this barrier,
This cage,
Refusing for things to be the same,
With those simple failures alight in my bones,
Poking out like wounds struggling to see the world,
A scab to be picked at, a scar to be made,
Feelings struggling to stay the same.
I dread the days that come, and that feeling of being alone
And helpless.
That deep sitting feeling of being just a weary child
Beaten by the ideas and hopes of my peers
Wanting to be long gone in years
Ahead of my time,
Stuck waiting in line,
For my finish, my bliss,
For my unbarable desires to be fulfilled.
For my chaos to be exposed and take command of this land.
Do with me what you will,
But my heart remains strong,
My soul still seeks out light
As the bills tumble in,
As the disappointment sinks in,
I strain my body,
Strain my mind's threshold for tolerable insanity
To see it all gone in a flash
A flickering streetlamp, in the dark part of town
Scared of the darkness, but despaired by it's appearence when the sunlight shines in.
I see it all fall away from me
As I sink down into the sea
And the only thing in front of me
Swishes by so fast, so fleeting,
My mermaid mental ocean existance speeds after it,
Swimming with amazing speed
Hoping to feel this need for inclusion,
For importance.
My fins have colors, dazzling bright,
That when swished about play tricks with the light
I'm trying to draw my favorite things
Draw them into my sea, into the waters of my mind
To join me in my adventures,
To be astounded by my rainbow of colors and patterns
I want to make them gasp, I want to make them groan,
In awe of what they find here,
In love with what they see here.
The swirls my exotic tail leaves in the water makes me believe they are here
The subtle swish leaving lines in the current, stopping the repeated ebb and flow
I see their faces,
I feel their warmth,
I can taste their spirit, the personality that brought them here
Inspired by my own fears, my heart attacks,
Bringing just their spirit back
The imprint left on my soul,
I can trace all of them back a thousand lives ago
I can see the bright pulse of their strong wills, their strong wit
All reasons they leave me alone in my abyss
The telephones ring silently in my home,
Telling me I'm not alone,
As I stair at my fingers, and where my toes use to be,
And wondering if anyone, ever,
Could be awed enough to love every part of me.

you can hold her hand
and show her how you cry
explain to her your weakness so she understands
and then roll over and die
or you can brave decisions
before you crumble up inside
spend your time asking everyone else's permission
then run away and hide
you can sit on chimneys
put some fire up your ass
no need to know what you're doing or waiting for
but if anyone should ask..
tell them i've been lickin' coconut skins
and we've been hanging out
tell them god just dropped by to forgive our sins
and relieve us our doubt

you can hold her eggs
but your basket has a hole
you can lie between her legs and go looking for..
tell her you're searchin' for her soul
or you can wait for ages
watch your compost turn to coal
but time is contagious
everybody's getting old
so you can sit on chimneys
put some fire up your ass
no need to know what you're doing or looking for
but if anyone should ask..
tell them i've been cookin' coconut skins
and we've been hanging out
tell them god just dropped by to forgive our sins
and relieve us our doubt

"Something like a phenomena"
The smoke smells sweet and pure
Tonight I try and purify my soul,
For one last time
Again and again,
Breathe in, breathe in,
And hope the anger clouds up
Hope the anger wells up
And then exits out my nose
Hope that the cruelty lodged within my bones
Grows old and cold and cracks
Scattering into dust that then
Escapes from my nose
As I breathe in, breathe out,
Kick these bad habits out
Knock my thoughts back into place
As I stare into my innerspace

The BBC apparently says most people will have only read 6 of the 100 books here.

Instructions: [Copy and paste into a new note on your profile.]
Look at the list and put an 'x' before those you have read.

1 ( ) Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 (x ) The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 () Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 (x) Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 (x) To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 () The Bible
7 () Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 () Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 (x) His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 () Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 (x) Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 () Tess of the D’Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 () Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 () Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 () Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 (x) The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 () Birdsong - Sebastian Faulk
18 () Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 () The Time Traveller’s Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 ( ) Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 () Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 () The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 ( ) Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 ( ) War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 (x) The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 () Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 () Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 () Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 () Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 (x) The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 () Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 () David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 (x) Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 () Emma - Jane Austen
35 ( ) Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 (x) The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 ( ) The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 ( ) Captain Corelli’s Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 () Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 () Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 () Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 () The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown [& Angels and Demons]
43 () One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 () A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 () The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 () Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 () Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 () The Handmaid’s Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 (x) Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 ( ) Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 () Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 ( ) Dune - Frank Herbert
53 ( ) Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 () Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 ( ) A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 ( ) The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 () A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 (x) Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 (x) The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 ( ) Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 (x) Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 () Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 ( ) The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 () The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 () Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 ( ) On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 ( ) Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 () Bridget Jones’s Diary - Helen Fielding
69 ( ) Midnight’s Children - Salman Rushdie
70 () Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 () Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 () Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 (x) The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 ( ) Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 ( ) Ulysses - James Joyce
76 () The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 ( ) Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 ( ) Germinal - Emile Zola
79 ( ) Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 ( ) Possession - AS Byatt
81 () A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 ( ) Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 () The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 ( ) The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 () Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 ( ) A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 (x) Charlotte’s Web - EB White
88 () The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 ( ) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 ( ) The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 (x) Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 () The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint Exupery
93 ( ) The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 (x) Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 ( ) A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 ( ) A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 ( ) The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 (x) Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 () Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 () Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

17... Hah! And most of those were not enjoyable... So I'm glad I'm not up to the standards of the BBC! I'll have them know I have 4 bookshelves full of books! :p

Tonight I wondered where it all began
The separation of woman from man
The female from the male,
My heart from yours, and yours, and yours,
In a continuous wave of emotion, thought, and science
Because today I found a quarter for my thoughts
And turned the knob to receive my prize
Tonight I wondered where it all began
The separation of woman from man

How did we two through some flight of fate
End up so close and yet so far away
Destined to be one country apart,
You with your Chinese, me with my Japanese
Separated forever by one country, still finding one heart
Beating rhythmically in time,
Still feeling the connection pulsing
Filling my viens with longing
Clouding my thoughts with memories
With constant regrets, constant acceptances.

With all these thoughts that blur my mind
Sometimes I still find, it hard to understand
Where it all began
The separation of woman from man

Some nights I can still feel your pain
Your mind, amazing, and I feel it cling to mine
Wrapped around inside my soul, forever entwined, and hard to let go
And I know that these feelings will never subdue
And still I sit and play my own tune
Listening to my own heart
Playing my own part
Lost in my life,
And watching you crawl through yours
I want to hold you, give you comfort,
Like I use to
I want to kiss you, give you something to hold onto,
Like I use to
I fight to see why we must be monogamous
Lifelong with only on of us
Both beside someone else, eventually
Connected by another string
To another someone's heart

By god, you are so beautiful!
I see your face so whole and bountiful
It shines with glory in my minds eye
So bright, a prism spectra in my minds eye
Listening to the words of wisdom
Holding tightly,
Words drip from your lips and I look for guidance
I look for a loop hole
To toss in my whole
Complete internal solid form
That goes around and around and around this board
At the roll of a couple of dice
I think twice
As glistening words my ears do catch
Hoping that these words will do good to distract
Impression of a faltered state of mind
A shoddy state of being that is paper and glue
The boys here are blue, protostars, amen!
Glowing with a newly started proton-proton fusion
Glorifying him in his name!
Those damn preachers are all the same!
But by god! You are so beautiful!
I can see myself within you
Twisting and bending to meet you,
As dawn comes again and I wither and die
Just another apple in another person's eye
With decay at the tips of my skin,
And a green sour worm cowering within

After my daily re-infusion of both caffeine and smoke
I must get back to work again
Always back to work again
My brain needs a stop
To just sit and talk to the wind that whispers in the window
But there's no time for that slow
Intake of self-evaluation
Self-redetermination
And the unfolding secret of my mental state
Get's pushed back, father back
From the goals I have at hand
Another to do list,
More on the to do list,
These things they just don't end.

Take some time off,
Get done one, two, three
Then add on five more for the ending
Time stop,
Don't stop
Keep checking off those markers
Writing in pen and marker
Highlighter and pencil
Copying the lists
Recopying the list
Take this away, add that this time,
Holy shit I've forgotten to rhyme
My words pushed out by sheer anxiety
Overwhelming loss of creativity,

Take one sip, take two
Smoke one thing, and that will do
Check off one thing, check off two
Still a ton more pointless shit I have to do
No time for me to continue my evolution
I'm too busy learning about stars and their contribution
To nothing at all, oh wait, that's Barber's tall glass at this moment in time
Shoving my words into lines
Expelling agitation
Angry at this fucking state of aggression
Loss of comprehension
On one day when everything goes wrong
The world's not singing my song,
I'm singing it's!
Lost in momentary bliss
Take one sip, take two
Smoke one thing, and that will do
Coffee fuels my veins
And those damn lists still look the same

have you had enough excitement now? more than you ever did?
you never wanted to be treated like a woman
you maintained you was just a kid
well at least you were of age my dear- these days kids they grow so fast
you never wanted to be committed to the present
you're too busy believing in the past, oh

who then was your savior? Who then was your friend?
who is now committed to the present? Is it someone that exists?
what is life in God? A perfect vision of the self?
I always thought we was dealing with one thing
now we are dealing with something else

do you see my smoking guns?
they're smoking from shootin'. Smokin’ from shootin'
smokin' from shootin at nothing dear
do you live your life on the run?
loosing out on lovin
Asking for nothing
Runnin' from something that isn't there

who makes my decisions? who reads all your thoughts?
what makes us how we are?
faith can't prove what science won't resolve
kumbaya my lord, c'mon row your boat ashore
the river's long. it is cold. it chills the body but not the soul.

do you see my smokin' guns?
they're smokin' from shootin'. smokin' from shootin'
smokin' from shooting at nothing dear.
do you live your life on the run?
losing out on lovin
asking for nothing
running from something that isn't there

distance- coming or going? c'mon
what are you waiting for?
distance- growing or closing in on?
anyway?